How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
