careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
