R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I seem to have left my pride at pride
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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