Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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