it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
