Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
