gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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