In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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