There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
there is glitter all over my balls
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