If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
