Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
