How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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