she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
