No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
