So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i've created a new STD.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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