The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
