apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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