Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
