You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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