do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
