If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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