You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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