i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
