Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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