Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
