We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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