you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The adults are the big ones right?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
