I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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