dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
