After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
