Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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