I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
