People in love make me want to vomit
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
