you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
