Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
