I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
