I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
