she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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