All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Your cock deserves a montage
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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