I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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