I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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