4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
