Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
