We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
