You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
