I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
