I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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