Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
