I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
