So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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